Vegas Baby!

Well, Las Vegas proved to be quite a stumbling block in my weight loss journey.  Although our room was about 150 yards (that’s one and a half times the length of a football field) from the elevators, and I managed to make several trips a day back and forth from the Casino or the Pool back up to the room, my extensive walking up and back down the Bellagio hallways proved to be no match for the awesome food that exists in Vegas.

I’ll admit, when it came down to my vacation in Vegas and any attempt, what so ever, of exercising any semblance of self-discipline (as far as dieting was concerned), I was off the wagon. 

And when I say “off the wagon” I mean “Seriously ‘Off’ the Wagon”!

I did the Vegas Buffett Breakfast almost every day (with seconds), I snacked on high carb snacks, I drank high calorie Fruity Drinks by the pool, I had burgers and french-fries for lunch, and ate at 5 Star Executive Chef Restaurants for dinner and even ate the dinner rolls with the whipped butter.

Needless to say, I gained about 12 lbs in 7 days…  

I think it would be a gross exaggeration to say that I had a few moments of weakness.  In simple terms, I was down-right self-destructive and I loved every minute of it.

Yesterday was Day One (back home) and back on the diet.  This morning I was down 3 lbs from yesterday morning.  If this keeps up, I should be back to normal by Thursday. 

Keep your fingers crossed.

But what happened in Vegas isn’t really the purpose of my blog today.  I would like to address the thieves that work Security at the Airport in Las Vegas.  I’ll continue…

Our returning flight was scheduled to leave Vegas at 11:55 Am (PST).  We were up early, got packed and had breakfast in the room.  We arrived at the Las Vegas Airport with plenty of time to spare, spent a considerable amount of time waiting to check our bags (due, mainly in fact that no one behind the counter was in a hurry), then proceeded to the TSA/Homeland Security, ie: Airport Security Screening.

We took off our shoes, emptied our pockets and removed jewelry. Stepped through the detector machines (without incident) and proceeded to the totes to replace all our belongings.  No problem…

No problem, that is, until one of the Security ladies spotted, specifically, my wife’s Chanel No. 5, along with a few other dubious items of interest.  I never realized that Chanel No. 5 was such a threat to air travel, but apparently, it is.

My wife was carrying a big bag that she could keep more than just her purse.  Let’s face it, when traveling, it’s a good idea to carry emergency items, such as Aspirin or Imodium, just in case any airport or airline food disagrees with you.  These are items that you don’t want to be packed in your bags in the cargo bay of the plane at the time you decide they are needed. 

Common sense, right?  Apparently not, if you’re with the Las Vegas Security. 

They went through my wife’s travel bag, one item at a time. 

First, they questioned her about her very nice gold cigarette lighter.  I was carrying a cheap Bic lighter which was not a problem, but the Gold Lighter from the MGM Grand raised questions. 

Then they wanted to know what the Imodium was for.  My wife said “Do you really want to go there?”.

I was tempted to remark that we were going to spike the pilot’s coffee in an effort to force the plane down due to pilot constipation, but I quickly realized that these people weren’t playing with full deck’s (so to speak) and any attempt to interject humor into the situation could be a problem.  I kept my remarks to myself.

Then they asked why the Chanel No 5 was still in it’s box.  We explained that it was new and was safer (from breakage) while still in the box.  We were told, “No Boxes” and that it had to be in a Ziplock bag.  But (and here’s where they tipped their hand), we could leave the Chanel No. 5 with them and they would let us go.

Okay…  So we’ll put it in a Ziploc bag.  Only problem was that they didn’t have any available in the Las Vegas Security Area.

They had to send my fat ass racing back out of the secure area (with all items I had just carried through Security, computers and all) through the airport, to a shop across the terminal, and back through Security. 

For some reason, leaving all that stuff with my wife, who remained in the secure area, was unacceptable and not an option.

So I returned, Chanel No. 5, safely ensconced in a Ziploc bag. 

By this time it was about 11:35 AM.  They asked what time was our flight and we explained that it was at 11:55 AM and we were really cutting things close.

At this point, they decided to send my wife (who had already passed through Security Screening) for a “Pat Down”. 

We were finally released to head to our plane at about 11:56 AM…  

Guess what!   We missed our flight… 

The next flight was at 7:25 PM…   Seven and a half hours later and I was madder than a wet hen!

Hours later I was self-soothing in one of the many bars in the Las Vegas Airport.  I shared our experience with the bar tender and he said, and I quote, “They pull that crap all the time.  If they see something they want, they make it hard to make your flight, unless you leave it with them”.

He also explained that most other Airport Security Areas have Ziploc bags available in the event that something needs to be placed in there.  But not in Vegas.  They love to send people racing across the airport to find one.

Here’s what I thought was really stupid about the whole thing.  Once the Chanel No. 5 was placed in the Ziploc bag (along with the Imodium and some tiny sample bottles of Tabasco Sauce, which everyone knows that Tobasco Sauce is a threat to airline safety) they let us put it back in the bag that my wife was carrying. 

So what’s the point?  We could just as easily take it all back out, once on the plane.

Well, we know the point.  Give them what they want or you miss your flight.

As we were going through Security, for our later flight, there was a young man who was stopped and being questioned about something he was carrying.  I said "Good Luck making your flight if you don't have any Ziploc bags with you".

I think the next time I go to Vegas, I’m going to take a huge box of Ziploc bags and give them away right outside of the Security Area for free.

That’ll show ‘em…

Copyright © 2011 Denning Key

I don't do the Ghetto Look!

This week, I have achieved another millstone…   I’m (unofficially) down 35 Lb’s since I began my weight loss journey.  This is good timing for me because my wife and I are heading to Vegas soon to celebrate our anniversary and her birthday (which both happen to occur within 24 hours of each other).

I figured this was a good time to invest in some slightly smaller and better fitting clothes.  Also, I didn’t want to look like a slob when we go to Vegas.  It’s just too hard to look like a High Roller when you’re wearing a T-Shirt that says “What happens in Salado, Stays in Salado”. So I went shopping for a few new Button-Down Shirts and some new Cargo Shorts.

Here’s the problem.   Clothing Merchandisers are perpetually stuck in the MTV mindset.   Let me explain.

You know how stupid and idiotic guys look with their pants hanging halfway down their butts?  And there’s also the moronic look of the pants (or shorts, take your pick) that hang to about mid shin.

Well, I went to three different major stores today and could find nothing tasteful that a middle aged, middle class white man would be seen in.  I’m not kidding.  Everything is that stupid Ghetto Look…  

The lady in one of the stores told me “Kids think it’s stylish”…  

And as politely as possible, I said “You’ve got to be out of your mind!  Look at me!  I want something that fit’s my waistline and doesn’t touch my knees and is meant to be starched and ironed.”

She told me I was showing my age.  I told her people my age preferred to wear clothes that didn’t make us look like morons.

I did find some really nice button down shirts for $12.50 each…   What a deal!  Sure, they were probably made in a sweat shop in Indonesia, but times are tough and I was able to get 5 sweat shop shirts for the price of one button down Ralph Lauren shirt. 


As for the cargo shorts, I guess I’ll have to search eBay.

I’ll keep you posted…   Adios!

Copyright © 2011 Denning Key

Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition!

Finally!....   Finally I have broken that elusive glass ceiling of the 30 Lbs I’ve been trying to surpass in my weight loss journey. 

This morning, after our devotional and walking my mile, with the rest of the POPs (Praying Off Pounds) guys, I weighed in this morning with a 33 Lb. weight loss…   Hallelujah!

It’s really been frustrating.  This is week five of hovering around the 25 to 30 Lb. mark since I started this back in February.  It was originally so easy.  I skipped bread, cheese, potatoes and fried stuff and in return, I’ve lost about 3 Lbs. per week.  Not so during April and into the first week in May. 

This particular target weight that I’ve been shooting for has been a long time coming.  I’ve always said that when I reached it, I would reward myself with something really tasty and bad for me, like a plate of cheese enchiladas with a fried egg, over-easy, on top…

I like to refer to it as “A Heart Attack on a Plate”.  I’m talking about a platter of about 1500 calories of pure Cheesy Tex-Mex Decadence, with Salsa poured liberally across the top of it…   Dare I say; It’s better than sex!...  

Well, maybe not, but it’s up there…

Now that I’ve reached this millstone, I’ve made a profound decision…   I’m putting off my "enchilada fix" for a later date. I’m setting a new target weight for the platter of enchiladas and I’m going to be good heading into the weekend. 

This could be a pretty weekend, weather-wise, and it’s time to break out the boat for the weekend.  I’ll have to opt for rewarding myself with cold beer (instead of the plate of cheese enchiladas with the proverbial fried egg on top).  Cold beer is just easier to handle on the boat, than Mexican Food.

Plus, I’m taking my lovely bride, of 10 years, to Vegas for our Anniversary and her birthday.  Not sure how bad the diet will suffer there, but you can rest assured that I won’t be walking into Emeril's in Las Vegas and ordering a scoop of Tuna with a Dinner Salad. 

Nope…   Won’t really be counting calories in Vegas, but I will still try to avoid the bread and potatoes.

Vegas is still about 4 weeks off, so I’m hoping to drop another 10 Lbs. by then. 

I’ll be helping to plant some 275 Lamonto grape vines for a friend who has a vineyard (The Grand Magnolia Vineyards, in Flint, Texas) in the coming days, so that should be good for some exercise and maybe a few extra Lbs. 

I’ll keep you posted…   Adios!...

Copyright © 2011 Denning Key

"Convenience" can be a four letter word...

Ok…   I know it’s been almost three weeks since the last blog, but I’ve been busy.  Also, there’s been very little to write about since my weight has stayed the same for four weeks in a row now.

The last time I went to the clinic for weigh-in was two weeks ago and my weight was EXACTLY the same as it had been at the previous weigh-in two weeks before. 

I’ll admit, there was that little fishing trip with 5 of my buddies, down to Rockport, Texas for some Bay Fishing.  And let’s face it, you can’t really eat a scoop of tuna or chicken salad plopped in the middle of some fresh romaine lettuce while fishing.  It just isn't convenient.

My original intentions were noble…   In the interest of "convenience" I decided to take stuff like smoked almonds, lightly salted peanuts, pickle spears and celery sticks to eat on the boat…

A funny thing happened at the grocery store.

As I was stocking up on my supplies, there were six-packs of cans of Vienna Sausages.  Now I’m not a real huge fan of Vienna Sausages, but there’s something inherently esoteric about fishing and Vienna Sausages. 

Just the thought of it takes me back to my childhood and fishing with my grandfather and those special childhood memories of learning to get the first “Vinnie” out of a can of Vienna Sausages without tearing it up or destroying the rest of the “Vinnies” in the can.  It’s like one of those “hunter/gatherer” traditions that is passed from father to son, or in my case, grandfather to grandson. 

I’m not talking about standing in the kitchen and digging the first “Vinnie” out with a fork.  I’m not even talking about using a tooth pick, although many fishermen will tell you it's ok to use a toothpick.  I’m talking about that secret technique of getting that first “Vinnie” out with no accoutrements of cutlery, or picnicware… It's such a special moment when you see someone get that first "Vinnie" successfully out of the can and you just know that all is "right" with the world.  

If you’re a true “God Fearin’, Redneck, Son of the South” you know what I’m talking about.   Otherwise, you’ll have to go fishing with me to learn how.

Needless to say, I bought a six-pack of Vienna Sausages for the trip.  We ate 2 cans on the way down.  The others were polished off on the boat.

Dinner wasn’t much healthier, although I managed to stay away from bread and french fries.  I think it was the two dozen Cajun Grilled Shrimp on Friday Night and the multiple pounds of Boiled Shrimp & Crawfish that caused me not to go near the bathroom scales until about day 4 after getting home from the fishing trip.  Just the sodium alone was enough to make me retain about 10 gallons of water weight.

To make a long story short, I opted to skip my weigh-in last week so I could concentrate on getting to a reasonable goal by this coming Friday.  Hopefully, by then, I’ll have dropped the 3 to 5 lbs. since the last weigh-in and just in time for the proverbial butt stabbing with the B12& B6 Combo Shot.  

I just hope I don't get lectured to about not following the plan.  I’ll be sure to report how that goes.  

Adios for now…

The Road to Religious Enlightenment is paved with Deviled Eggs

I have made an observation about Deviled Eggs, but first, I need to explain the reason why Deviled Eggs got their name and what “deviling” actually is. 

About two hundred, or more, years ago, in England, there was a process of grinding up meat with hot spices.  Because of the “hot “ nature of the finished product, it was called deviling.  I think that over the years, just making the product very rich, in taste and texture, has taken on the term “deviling” or “deviled”.  It doesn't really mean that anyone who eats them is destined for eternal damnation, although, they are "sinfully good".

Now, on to my observation. 

I’ve noticed that one of the top foods provided during religious or spiritual events, such as, to a grieving family after the death of a loved one, is Deviled Eggs.  I can personally attest to this, as we received about 20 or 30 dozen Deviled Eggs at my Mom’s home, when my Dad passed away almost 30 years ago.  We didn’t hit the Deviled Egg Payday as well when My Mom passed way 5 years ago, but still, there were a few that made it to the house.

Other family gatherings often have Deviled Eggs, such as Christmas, family reunions and of course, Easter.

The guys at Pfizer (makers of Lipitor) must love Easter due to all the bazillions of Eggs consumed.  I know from personal experience that we go through about 18 to 36 Hard Boiled and Colored Eggs for Easter.  I like to refer to it as “The Annual, Egg Coloring and Abuse Night at the Key’s House”.  

It’s true, our kids are, respectively, 17, 21 and a few weeks away from 23, and they have enjoyed coloring Easter Eggs since they were old enough to color Easter Eggs.  Given that the Eggs are still intact a day or two later, they are turned into hideously ugly (due to the fact that the egg dye bleeds through the shell) Deviled Eggs.

And boy are they good…

Major Strike to my weight loss journey, considering each serving of Deviled Egg is about 85 Calories.  Eat about a dozen of those and start counting!...  

It’s a virtual smorgasbord of  cholesterol laden calories.  

Next week’s “weigh day” is looking pretty bleak right now, but I’ll try to remain strong.

Happy Easter Everybody…

Holy Schmoly, I'm on a Roll!

Well, by now, anyone, who bothers to follow my weight loss journey, through this blog, knows that most Fridays (with the exception of the occasional Thursday), is “weigh day” because Friday is the official day that I report to the weight loss clinic to get weighed, have my blood pressure checked, then bend over for the ritual stabbing of the B6/B12 combo shot with the 2 inch needle in my butt.  (Again I say "White Coat Syndrome is Real!).

Last week, I was up 2 lbs., however, I think, due to the previous few weeks of funeral food and eating on the go (not to mention the BBQ Rib Platter on Thursday night), my weight was up a couple of lbs.  Probably water retention...

I knew that today would be a good “weigh day” because I’ve been helping a friend set a bunch of large poles in 40 lb bags of concrete, for his vineyard.  Not really hard work, but more physical labor than I’ve done in a long while.  So, this morning, like most every Friday morning, in spite of my "Jabba the Hutt” appearing nekkidness, I was extremely happy to step on the scales and see that I was within 1 lb. of having lost 30 lbs since the 1st of February.

I haven’t been at this weight in over 5 years!...   Yippie!...

On the other hand, I really can't see it, except where there’s saggy skin where fat used to be.  For example, my stomach…   Well, it’s not that bad, just sayin’….

Sad news is that I still have about 50 lbs. to go.  Can you believe I’ve let myself gain so much weight, in the name of quitting smoking and achieving good cardiovascular health.

If all goes as planned, I’ll be making an appointment, with a plastic surgeon, just before my high school reunion, just so I can do something about the flabby skin (along with my man-boobs), which are serious need of reduction.

Still have another milestone to go before I can reward myself with cheese enchiladas (with a fried egg, over easy, on top).  Hopefully, next Friday will be "enchilada payday"...

I'll let you know how that goes...   Until then, Adios…

The only "running" I'm going to do is "running late"...

This is getting frustrating…   My body has now decided to "settle in" at the weight that it occupied for several years…   And I ain’t happy about it!

I know it’s been a rough few weeks for the diet, but I’ve really been good since Monday. 

Ok...  I know it’s only Wednesday, but I feel like I’ve been here for about 2 or 3 weeks.  I need a little push to get back on the 3 lbs. a week momentum that I have been on until now.

Dare I say it?  It’s probably time that I invest in the dreaded “E” word…   Exercise…  

Last winter, a friend of mine said that he felt like I should go "running" with him...   I told him (in the words of my mother) to go take a nap and the feeling would go away.

This has been so much fun, losing weight without working out.  In fact, that’s the whole reason that a competitive guy like me loves competing in chili cook-offs so much.  It’s the thrill of highly intense competition without the inconvenience of physical exertion.

I’ve always said “Fat boys don’t like to sweat”, however, it may be about time that I drag my fat butt back into the gym and do just that…   Sweat!...   Maybe that’ll get my weight loss momentum jump-started again.

Oh well…   Weigh-day is Friday, so I have a little time to, hopefully, drop a few more lbs. before I do something drastic.